Are you a chronic people pleaser? At home or at work?
Street Angel, Home Devil?
Street Devil, Home Angel?
Do you spend too much time pleasing others on the outside and miss those close connections at home?
Or perhaps you spend a lot of time keeping the peace at home, treading carefully to avoid conflict?
Understanding the Fawn response may help you, whatever your situation.
People pleasing can be a trauma survival technique, originally called the fawn response by author and survivor, Pete Walker, as an additional trauma response to Stephen Porges’ “Polyvagal Theory”.
In triggering situations many of us may revert to one of the four responses:
flight, fight, freeze or FAWN.
The fawn response occurs when we immediately try to please a person to avoid or diffuse conflict. “Fawning” may create a false sense of security in relationships, and is purposed to earn the approval of others. When fawning, we essentially mirror the imagined expectations and desires of other people and often lose our sense of self and override our own needs.
“Fawn types seek safety by merging with the wishes, needs, and demands of others,” writes Pete Walker, author of groundbreaking book, Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. “They act as if they unconsciously believe that the price of admission to any relationship is the forfeiture of all their needs, rights, preferences, and boundaries.”
How can we mindfully attend to our own fawn response and re-assess the value of continuous people pleasing on our health and our lives?
If you wish to work further into overcoming trauma please do join Edwina Kempe, Celia Roberts and Leanne Davis for the following 20hr training:
HLL03 BioMedical Yoga Therapy for Grief, Loss, and Trauma
This 2-day training is for those wanting to learn from personal and/or professional development perspective.
To understand the neurobiological effects of grief and loss on our brains and bodies, read more here: The Neurobiology of Grief and Loss